Mariage two

Well I am in MI at this time when I received my devorice paperwork.  It was my lowest point in my life when I told my father about it he had pretty much shrugged it off.  Like loosing his grandkids didnt matter to him at all.  During this time I was already with someone else and we were engaged.  With the engagement I thought I had finally found someone I could be with for the rest of my life.  Boy was I wrong big time because she had snapped and attacked me.  So we broke up with that loss and my devorice it had really messed  me up big time and was diagnosed with depression and was put on zoloft and welbutrin.

With my life in the shit hole of life I tried to go back to school.  Well that didnt last long because the school let me go because I was transgendered.  But since I was on welbutrin I had started hearing voices telling me to do things, like steal.  Ihad told my counselor about it and he said that wasnt a side effect.  That finished 2001 with my marriage and kids gone and my new fiancee and a father that didnt give a crap about me.  Not even my other family members cared aboit me because of the devorice and me being transgendered.

As 2002 began with nobody in my life I had started drinking, which was my  first time ever drinking.  I was drank so much one night that I had ended up in bed with a friend of mine.  At least it was only for one night.  When I had sobbered up the next morning I felt like crap. I was still on my medication and the voices still continued so I had tried to commit suicide but couldnt go through with it to die.

After that close encounter with death.  I was at my fathers house and we had a big fight and I had told him that if he wanted my ex fiancee then go for it. I was thinking that he would have done the right thing and not do it, after all he is 30 uears her senoir.  But he did no matter the huge age difference.  I was talking to my ex and she told me that they were getting married. So I guess that nobody thinks things through.

Well with that news I started looking for someone to marry to try and hurt my new step mother.  I found someone that was 20 years my senoir.  I started looking for work anywhere. I saw that Tn had alot of jobs. At least that is what TN told me.  So I had to take care of things in MI firdt do I had to lean on my father to help get me out.  He had paid off my court fines and the bus tickets.

My new wife and I made it to TN and then without notice she left me in nashville TN. She had ran back home and lied to get a devorice from me.  So that had left me out on the streets all by myself in a new city and state being homeless.

My own family

This is in addition to my last page because all of this truely happened during my first marriage.  It is 100% precent true.

After my in-laws moved my family and I to Fresno.  My parents were having majortouble in their marriage. My father refused to support my mother much so my mother and I got really close.  My mother was wonderful even though I had disappointed her several times she never held that against me.

My mother would stop and do her long talks with me about everything like my marriage and hers.  So would go on to tell me that for several years prior that she was the only one paying their bills and keeping her marriage together. She was getting really tired of all the work.  But she had grown up during the time that no matter what marriages were supposed to last.  But in the end her marriage couldnt last because of what my father did.  She knew that the reason that my dad left CA for MI was supposedly involved with someone else.  So she had no choice but to file for devorice.  In the begining she could handle the lawyer stuff then my father started using my moms atty which cost my mom even more money. At this point in time she was running broke but my father didnt care.  Shortly after their devorice was final.  Guess what happened my father had gotten remarried so my mom knew then that she was cheated on by my father.

I had modeled my marriage after theirs by doing what it took to make it last.  But in the end it was because of my in-laws tearing apart my marriage. Plus my wife  being too much of a baby and wanted to make her parents happy only.

Marriage one

After I had graduated from high school I went to Army boot camp, I didnt ever want to fight because of church.  I had again failed in my life but this time I had lost my fathers respect, eventhough he never said it.

But about a year and a half later I had met a wonderful woman (or I thought I did).  The year was 1992 I brought her home and again my father and this time my mother were disapointed in the fact that I wanted to stay with her.  We were both church goers.  My church didnt approve of her at all and decided to shun me. My church didnt care that I did alot of things for the church.  i.e. usher, ran sound system, janitor, maintenance and helped in childrens church.

My wife was great and she fullfilled her wifely duties to the fullest.  The was only one major problem her parents.  Her parents were my first in-laws so I followed what they wanted at first.  Then the time came when both sets of parents to meet (it was the worst thing ever done).  Because her parents showed theirtrue colors by  being back stabbing ass holes. My parents like them and started to turn on us.  During this time I did everything possible to find work and support my family.  Did her parents care? No!  The jobs didnt last long because my mangers had something against me and fired me.  Now lets fly to the year 1995 we finally had a baby a beautiful baby girl named Maryann.  We told her parents and that is when the real hell started.  For some damn reason her mother started telling me how to raise my daughter.  But her parents didnt want to live so far from my daughter so they moved us and themselves to Fresno.  That was where her parents pushed me out of Maryann's life, my wife refused to stand up against her mother and allowed the action to continue.  With my mother in-law pushing me out of Maryann's life it put a huge toll on the marriage.  So I looked for work out of state just to get away from my in-laws.The job was only seasonal so the job ended. I went back home and back to college.  My major was teaching and my wife's was early childhood education.  I had my major suffer to help my wife get through school. She had finished school and found work in the field.  

But I knew during this time that I was different I knew that I was supposed to be a girl.  But this time the feeling was so so strong I couldnt ignore it anymore.  So I sought out the right docters and had everything going in the right direction. (I will say more later on this) I knew that to get enough money for my family I had to find work that would bring in the money fast.  So I went to truck driving school and placed second.  During that year my wife was with my second child. Right before my son was born I found a trucking company to go with and left for new employee training right after my son was born.

Now the end of my family. I was in training and my wife decided not to clean house or take care of my children.  So she was arrested for child abuse and neglect the cops were looking at me for it as well because that is how CA ran.  I had lost my good paying job because of her.  I had no home to go to so I moved to MI  in 2001.  My wife decided to take half of my federalincome tax refund from me. duringthe last time I ever had contact with my children.  she had filed for divorce from me that summer.

School Years (part 2)

It was during this time I was cross dressing in my moms clothes and makeup.  After I had everything on I looked in the mirror and felt right with everything at that point.  It was at that point in time when my female side really came out.  So you can imagine a kid in sixth grade problems in school with not too many friends and gender issues popping up, I had to deal with alot.

My school had it setup that students would graduate from 8 grade to move onto high school.  We had gowns and caps that was my only time I felt right in school.

High school was totally different, which I was sort of prepared for by one of only two friends I had from my previous school. (Thank you Howard) so I knew a little to expect.

School was rough for me. I had to fight to get C's.  I had trouble talking to girls but was talking to guys. I was still cross dressing when I could atme.  But the main thing I did was look at the girls fashions. I loved the cheleaders uniforms, not because the girls were hot but because of the uniforms only.

Now its my sophmore year,  Not too much happened I had my first girlfriend, which my father hated. My mother loved her and ehen I broke up from her yeah I took it very very hard, but as my mother felt my pain my father laughed.  That following summer I had turned my life over to God so the rest of my schooling just flew by because of church.

The only thing I wanted to do was make my father be proud of me do before I graduated I enlisted into the Army.  I also dang in church and I had done alot of other things for the church. I was the best youth singer in church, but my father keptputting me down. My senoir year was great because I had become an adult so I could do anything I wanted while my other classmates had to have their parents do things. I could fill out gorms and sign any permission slips because I was 18 and turned 19 the last few months of school.

School Years (part 1)

My school years were very rocky with a lot of ups and downs.  My first school i went to in CA was the best one that I went to as a child.  I was also making A's and B's and always on the honer roll.  But my parents wanted a new house out in the middle of nowhere.  As my father enrolledme in the new school he had heldme back a grade.  Just because he wanted to, knowing darn well that I was in the sixth grade at the time but put me back in fifth grade.

My grades fell and hardly made any friends I was put into a sort of specail education class.  Which made me feel so small but couldnt tell my parents what they did to me so i suffered.

It was during my sixth grade year when my major puberty hit was when I had realized that I was different.  My parents found a "sex shrink" for me, because I was letting them know I wanted to be a girl.  I loved going to therapy but my parents were having toubles with money so I told them to stop the sessions.

About Me

Hello to anyone that might read this.  I am unsure of how this stuff goes because o have never blogged before.  For this first blog post I will just give highlights to see if I can get anybody to follow me.

To begin i am a 43 year old transgender female.  I was born this way and my parents never seemed to understand me at all.

I did everything that a normal "man" is supposed to do in life but failed.  It all started in school when if I was lucky to be an average student.

I had even gotten married and had two kids.  But my ex decided to dystory my marrage and my kids.

Later in life my father had stolen my fiancee from me and married her.  In reponse I rushed into a second marriage, which failed and she left me homeless.

I have since found another person to be with and she understands me 100%.  Only problem is that she is still married because Tn will not grant her devoirce.